Um just so torn. I know that once I see them i’ll know whats right but for now i feel like im on a never ending teacup ride of right and wrong.
I called you my best friend. I called you my sister. Apparently i mean nothing to you any more so i might as well kill myself. I might as well go and do everything that you stopped me from doing. You always said youd be there for me if i needed to talk during the season and after that nothing. You were my everything you said that we were so much alike which is why we didnt get along in the beginning of the season. And its not even just you any more. Im just done with this whole team. Fuck you all. I cant believe i wasted my time on you. Loving you. Copying every thing you guys did. Putting up with every litte fucking thing you did to me. The name calling. Did you even understand how much that hurt i felt like you were just stabbing me in the heart over and over again. Not believing me when i sprained my ankle and just thinking i did it to be like her. Well i didnt you wanna see the fucking x-rays that show the spraind ligaments. From some of you i could take it because i know you and ive known you for 4 years and from all of you fucking freshmeat it fucking hurts. Alot. I cant believe how much time, energy, and most of all tears on you fucking bitches. I hope you all die in a hole. But you know just as i do that next year as soon as i see you again im gonna go all “oh my god i missed you so much you dont even understand it” and “i love you with my whole heart” and “sisters for life” and all the other bullshit so whatever i dont even care anymore…
I wish i had my friends back. They were the only people to feel like im on top of the world. Now all i feel like is that the entire world is on my shoulders. All of the things that they made me forget. Now that everything has ended i have never been so lost. I dont even know anymore. My grades are the worst they have ever been in my whole life. I wouldnt be surprised if my dream highschool doesnt accept me. In fact if they do i think it will be a miracle. I dont even want to do anything anymore. They made me feel like i was actually worth something. The made me feel wanted, loved, like i was part of a family, like i had bestfriends when i needed some one to laugh with, like sisters when i needed someone to love me, like therapists when i needed someone to talk to. I miss them so much. I just want to go back to the beginning of the season and fix everything. Everythin that i said, did, evrything and i mean it. My life without you guys is misrable. I love you so much more than anyone or anything in the whole world. I just wish you felt the same…
